If Someone Can Go From Straight to Gay, Can’t They Go Back Again?
I was born heterosexual. My first childhood crush was on a little blonde girl in my second grade class. About a year later, I feel in love with Lindsay Wagner from “The Bionic Woman.” Only, things started to change with my next infatuation – Dorothy Stratten, the 1980 Playboy Playmate of the Year. By then, I was about 10 years old and had been looking at Playboy magazines for around 2 years. It was the beginning of my porn addiction. Slowly, I grew increasingly immune to a descending array of sexual imagery: Playboy went to Hustler, then Hustler went to X-rated videos; porn movies with lesbian sex, threesomes, and S&M replaced the centerfold.
In my mid-teens, I was practically unexcitable. In the 1980s, under the stigma of AIDS, the only last great uncovered perversion was male homosexuality: it was depraved, forbidden, and even deadly; (sadly, today, the last unexplored pornographic frontier is usually child porn.) Finally, in gay porn – I found something I had never seen before. With that, I gradually succumbed to the idea that I must be gay. Gay porn also played around with my hidden shams and fears: a feeling of masculine inadequacy; for a few moments, it resolved them. The next logical step meant acting out the fantasy once I reached 18. In the homosexual world, I found an endless supply of men willing to usher me in. With that, the question seems answered; and the acceptance of the orientation sets in.
For myself, going towards homosexuality started with porn, or did it? For the most part, my immediate attraction to pornography was the symptom, not the disease. As a somewhat lonely boy, the imaginary realm of porn served as an ideal escape – more so as I reached puberty and became less and less sure of my own identity: I was insecure and sensitive, often admiring boys who appeared self-assured, fearless, and physically coordinated. In porn, I could play out that fascination. Therefore, in my opinion, the point of most malleability remains in childhood; once the person has moved from the imagination to actual physical activity – it’s sometimes too late to turn around the process. Then, can homosexuality be reversed?
Without a doubt, children especially, can be cured of the homosexual mindset. The answer rests in excavating and healing the root cause or causes. In my case, a fixation with porn concealed a hurt and scared boy who found solace and comfort within the false beauty of pornography. In the modern internet age, the process of discovering oneself in porn is quicker and further facilitated by a pro-gay media; children becomes defined at an earlier age, hence the alarming trend of cross-dressing pre-teens. On the internet, there is a plainly visible fetish sub-set to mask every emotional scare: dads and lads, terrorized twinks, gag the fag. Psychological instability becomes codified in an image. By removing all access to porn, it is less likely that children who are susceptible to feelings of same-sex attraction will become fixed; without porn to cloud and complicate the problem – a professional Christian therapist will be able to extricate the source of the wound, and with the help of the parents, heal it. As I was already an adult, and fully indoctrinated into the lie of gayness, it was much more difficult to undo the damage that had been done to me; still, its very much possible; I am living proof of that: “I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken and strengthen the sick…” (Eze 34:16)